I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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