I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
