just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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