Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
