He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
