So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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