I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
