When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
