I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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