What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
