You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
