we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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