i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
