life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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