so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
