Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
