anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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