I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
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I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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