Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize