You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
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She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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