i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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