What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
