the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
