i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
