I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
