it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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