She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
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Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
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Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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