flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
