My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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