i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
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I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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