Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
