jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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