dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
