I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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