Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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