White coat. Heels.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
ok first of all what the fuck
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
