Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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