this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
