Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
