Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
