He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
