the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
