I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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