i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
