She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
