I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
