if i can run in heels then i can drive
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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