Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
