I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Randomize
