How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
