Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
