Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
