trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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