Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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