you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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