...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
