how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
