I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
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wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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