Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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