I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
