Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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