So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
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