..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I think people are normalizing furries
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
