Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
