i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
