I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
