If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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