Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
as a side note pls kill me
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
