Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
