will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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